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Open Letter To

May 26, 2010

I find you very funny and entertaining. I link to you on my blog. I consider you my first stop for interesting research, much like I count The Daily Show my first stop for topical news (judge me as you will). But, please – PLEASE – keep the monkeys in their cages.

You have three or four regular writers that do a phenomenal job of giving me interesting bits of both historical and contemporary information in a way that makes me feel like I’m plugged into the hidden inside truth of the world, like I’m smarter than my neighbor in a blatantly elitist, yet tolerant, way (let’s face it, that’s what everybody really wants, admittedly or not). However, when you start posting all of the monkey-see monkey-do hacks on your front page, you lose credibility faster than Lindsay Lohan will lose her liver.

When you post humorist explanations of “Irony” that serve to prove that their author really doesn’t understand irony (in a moronic fashion, not an ironic one), or when you let someone create a beautiful ode to Jack Daniel’s whiskey and the folks that drink it only to reveal that the author has never actually seen a bottle of JD (the founder’s name is Jack Daniel, his distillery is Jack Daniel’s – get it freakin’ right!), I suddenly get an irritatingly familiar taste – it’s the same foulness I sense when I think I’ve recorded Family Guy only to find an episode of The Cleveland Show, instead.

I’m not saying you have, have had, or will ever have any need for journalistic integrity, but you owe yourselves a little quality control. Your site is funny as hell (if you’re into searing heat and endless skin-grafts, I guess), but it loses flavor quickly when watered down by the amateurs that slip through your filters more and more often of late.

I’ll get off my high horse (it’s walking backwards and neighing something about the pretty colors) for now, but please – PLEASE – get your shit together, Cracked!

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