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It’s Official: Pat Robertson

January 14, 2010

In an article to be published in the spring edition of the American Journal of Psychological Dysfunction, Drs. Jarho Mitchell and Michael Bernard will declare that noted televangelist Pat Robertson is “bat-shit insane”. The announcement, made this morning in Prague, came as a shock to most psychiatrists familiar with Robertson and his public history. “The difference,” said Dr. Jan Shatte of the Nebraska Institute for the Terminally Stupid, “between insanity and stupidity is very gray. Our institute has been engaged in public debate with Doctor Mitchell’s Prague Clinic for the Bat-shit Insane for over two decades and we have yet to hammer out a clear separation between clinical stupidity and bat-shit insanity.”

Dr. Shatte stated that Pat Robertson had been a subject of great contention between the organizations for at least two decades. “On the surface, it can be very difficult to make a definitive call on a subject such as Mr. Robertson, which is what originally caused Dr. Mitchell and myself to separate our joint venture in 1991 and begin studying the question individually. I’ve long contended that Mr. Robertson’s comments throughout the years have shown a clear and definite leaning toward the clinical definition of terminal stupidity. My colleague, obviously, disagrees.”

The debate has had its ebb and flow throughout the 1990’s and on to today as Robertson continues to come up with new and astounding statements that blur the lines between stupidity and insanity. According to both the Prague Clinic and the Nebraska Institute, Robertson is a “perfect case study.”

One instance given by both doctors, the following quote from Robertson often kicks off the scientific debate:

“(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” –Pat Robertson

“Clearly,” said Dr. Mitchell, “this is a perfect example of bat-shit insanity in its most textbook form.” Dr. Shatte, when faced with this quote, was quick to interject with an example of his own:

“It may be a blessing in disguise. … Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.” –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

Dr. Shatte read the quote aloud and sat silently for a moment. “Terminal Stupidity. Any questions?”

Several calls to Lucifer’s Manhattan offices were not returned before this article went to press.

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